ALWAYS PLEAD NOT GUILTY: A how-to guide for your first traffic stop, arrest, and court date.

I know what most of you are probably thinking, “getting arrested is for criminals.” Have you ever noticed the number of laws you or someone you know breaks on a daily basis, though (jaywalking, forgot a ticket so you are driving on a suspended license, or what is likely the most common of all — driving home after one too many drinks)? You would never consider yourself or your family or close friends criminals, right? Here’s the thing about that : the law does not discriminate (except when it does, but that is a topic for a different post) and every single one of us is just a trip to the store with a taillight out from getting arrested. Especially if you live in a microscopic farming community where the cops get really bored and really tired of cow tippers--they tend to pull over anyone who dares to venture out past 10PM. It is a bit more complicated if you live in a large city, but us small town folk get screwed on this one….that’s how I ended up getting arrested.

Got Arrested for the First Time

I was working 3rd shift as a waitress when I was in my early 20s, and I had to run to my coworker’s house during lunch — around 2AM. Now I’m definitely in a hurry, so I jump on the highway doing 80 when I slide into the slow lane from the on-ramp. Sitting in the median at the top of the ramp is a city police car who flicked his lights on as soon as I got past him. My biggest fear at this time, though, was how late this was going to make me. Imagine my surprise when he informed me that I was driving on a suspended license (remember when I mentioned forgetting to pay a ticket) and this was no longer a driving offense--it had become a criminal charge.

I was definitely late returning to work, but I didn’t make bond until 10AM-

-so what could my boss really say? He forgave me, but now I really had a problem. I had received a court date but a conviction would ruin my record for a lot of jobs and I would be put on probation for a year….I just had to run errands at lunch!

Television has left us all so unprepared for an actual arrest.

When court rolled around, I was given no instructions. I was given no lawyer. I was unaware of the entire process…. And I made so many mistakes! Mistakes that gave me twice the community service, almost gave me jail time, and my probation carried on for nearly 2 and a half years!

Fortunately, what you NEED to know can be summarized pretty quickly and anyone can learn how to give yourself the best chances. Now, this is the most basic of basics, but if you don’t follow these suggestions, you will likely regret it with a vengeance.

Tips for getting pulled over:

1. BE RESPECTFUL AT ALL TIMES--otherwise, prepare to go to jail immediately, guilty or not.
2. While still being respectful, speak as little as possible. You are being recorded by the dashcam and the cop probably has a bodycam on, plus another unit with the same cameras is on it’s way as it is now a widely enforced safety measure for every stop.
3. Seriously, watch what you say. The most innocuous statements can be turned against you and your character in court, and they certainly will be used. For example, they will ask where you are coming from and they are observing your behavior critically for signs of intoxication. If you say ‘a friend’s birthday party,’ they will assume there was alcohol and marijuana (so passing a breathalyzer still may not equal sober) and even passing a field sobriety test may not suffice when the judge reads your statement and assumes the same thing the cops did. Maybe you only smoked some weed, now you have to wait for months for the labs to come back instead of getting it over with quickly. Instead, just say you’re coming from ‘a friend’s house.’
4. If the cops ask why you won’t elaborate more with your answers, say this, ‘sir, I am respectfully exercising my right to remain silent.’

Tips for your first court date:

1. BE RESPECTFUL!!!! I cannot stress this enough…more respectful than you have ever been anywhere with anyone, especially speaking to the judge.
2. Call the judge ‘your honor’ instead of ‘sir or ma’am’ because it conveys an even higher level of respect.
3. Plead ‘not guilty' regardless of guilt. If you plead guilty, you waive your right to a lawyer, a hearing, and a trial. The judge will have a hearing on the spot, and you will fair worse than allowing a lawyer to prepare your case.
4. When the judge asks if you can hire a lawyer by the next court date, be certain you can if you say yes. There is nothing wrong with saying no and as long as you truly don’t make enough money to pay your bills and hire an attorney, the judge will appoint one for free or at a minimal cost to you. Think of it as paying $75 versus $2500. Do not ask for an appointed attorney if you make good money, though, or the judge will immediately consider you a liar.
5. Once an attorney is appointed, all you have to do is listen to, and follow, their advice. No matter how trivial it seems, 99% of lawyers will only ask you to do something that is in your best interest. If they suggest something wildly inappropriate, find a lawyer that does free consultations and ask them how bad the advice is and how to get a reappointment.

It’s that simple…and that complicated for those of you who, like myself, had only television as a behavior guide before your first arrest. Be respectful, only speak when you are answering a direct question, and use discretion even then and you should make it through this nightmare just fine.